


You're Not Supposed To Smoke In Hospitals

by thedeadguyintheback



Category: Ed Edd n Eddy
Genre: Established Relationship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-28
Updated: 2015-01-28
Packaged: 2018-03-09 10:14:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,689
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3245867
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thedeadguyintheback/pseuds/thedeadguyintheback
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kevin is bedridden for a few days, and hates it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You're Not Supposed To Smoke In Hospitals

It was a bright Friday morning when Eddward was pulled aside by a familiar redhead and dragged by his backpack into an empty classroom.   
“Good morning, Kevin,” he said cheerily once they were out of earshot. “I see your displays of affection are as public as usual.”  
“Shut up,” growled Kevin. “You know exactly how many people I’ve come out to; you.” He adjusted his worn cap nervously. “Anyway, I’ve got some plans tonight. Can I pick you up at six?”   
“Of course, Kevin,” Edd replied with a smile. “Will this affair be formal or casual?”  
“Casual,” he answered. “And pretty manly, so try not to dress like a dork.” Then Kevin departed with a barely audible, “See you tonight.”  
As was expected of him, Edd counted to thirty seconds before exiting the classroom himself and merging with the throng of students. As he headed to class, he heard several yards ahead of him, “Headgear, Mr. Dorn. You know the rule.” He couldn’t help but laugh at that.   
… … …  
It was just before six that evening when Eddward’s home phone rang. He answered it nervously.   
“Hey, dork, it’s Kevin. Listen, it looks like I can’t pick you up after all.” He sounded tired, Edd thought. “I told them I was fine, but they took me in anyway.”  
“Took you in where, Kevin? I don’t understand. Where are you?”  
“In the ambulance.” Edd heard a muffled question on the other end, then, “We’re headed to Lemon Brooke Emergency Clinic.”  
“I’ll be there as soon as I can!” Edd said hastily before hanging up.  
… … …  
There was a knock on Kevin’s hospital room door, interrupting his drugged sleep. “Who the fuck is it?” he snapped lethargically. The door opened, and Edd poked his head in, sock and all. “Oh,” Kevin added more amiably. “Hey, Double Dork.”  
Edd smiled halfheartedly, and stepped in. “It is customary to bring flowers to someone of ill health, but I didn’t think you would enjoy them very much, so I got you a cactus instead.” He set the little pot and its spiny resident on a side table. “I think it suits you better than flowers.”  
“Yeah,” Kevin chuckled, then he winced and grabbed his side with one hand.   
Edd grimaced. “What happened?”  
Kevin gritted his teeth, inhaling and exhaling in a slow, careful measure. Finally, he answered, “Was on my way to your place. Some asshat didn’t see me coming, ran a stop sign and hit me.”  
“On your motorcycle?”  
“No, on my unicorn,” Kevin retorted mordantly. “Of course, on my motorcycle.”  
Edd didn’t blink, accustomed to the boy’s sarcasm. “Were you at least wearing a helmet?”  
“Duh,” Kevin said. “Why do you think you’re up here instead of downstairs at the morgue?” He pointed to the helmet, hanging on the doorknob. “It got pretty banged up, though.”  
“I’m more concerned with your own condition than your helmet’s,” Edd chided softly. “What did the doctors say?”  
“Aside from the road burn, the damage is all to my left side, where the car hit me.” He counted on his fingers as he spoke. “Leg broken in two places, fractured hip, broken upper arm, and a dislocated shoulder.” He grinned wryly. “They said I’d be out of commission for at least six to eight weeks, so I figure I’ll be back on the ballfield by Tuesday.” He laughed, then coughed and clutched his side. “And a cracked rib, but that isn’t too bad.”  
“Is there anything I can do for you?” Edd ventured. “Are you hungry, thirsty?”  
“I’d kill for a smoke.”  
“Kevin! You are in poor health as it is!”  
“Oh, c’mon,” Kevin pouted. “I’ve been really good today, hadn’t had one all day.”  
Edd glared for a moment, before acquiescing. “Fine, but just one, and we’re opening a window.” Then he grabbed a styrofoam cup and a roll of gauze tape from the bedside table, standing on a chair to fasten the cup over the single smoke detector in the room.  
“My cigarettes should still be in the left side of my jacket, on the door,” Kevin said, struggling to sit up with only one arm. It was fairly difficult with his entire left side immobilized in plaster casts. “I’ve got it, I’ve got it,” he assured when Edd tried to help him onto his feet. “Just hand me that crutch.”  
Kevin hobbled slowly and awkwardly to the seat by the window. Edd hovered the whole way with his arms out, Kevin’s ruined leather jacket over one arm. Once the boy was as seated as he could be, Edd sat down next to him, turning the jacket over in his hands. “Kevin, this sleeve…”  
“Oh, yeah,” Kevin said. “They had to cut me out of it, to reset my shoulder and cast my arm.” He took the jacket, grinning at the ruined sleeve. “Cool, huh?” He rummaged in an inner pocket for a cigarette and his Zippo lighter, then unlatched the window and pushed it open a whopping six inches. “Heh... guess they don’t like jumpers here,” he chuckled as he lit the cigarette with one hand, careful to exhale out of the window. “So, how was school?”  
Edd shrugged. “We had a pop quiz in Trigonometry. I enjoyed it, I suppose.”  
“Yeah,” Kevin said dryly. “That sounds hugely enjoyable.” He pulled on the cigarette. “I got my history exam grade back today.” He paused for effect, and Edd’s eyes practically sparkled with giddy anticipation.  
“Yes? How well did you score?”  
Kevin pulled on the cigarette slowly, drawing the suspense out just to be annoying. Finally, he answered with a smirk, “B minus.”   
Edd gushed like a shaken soda. “That’s excellent, Kevin!”  
“Yeah,” Kevin agreed. “All that lame studying we did paid off.” He looked around to ensure—however moot—that they were alone, then leaned over, placing a single chaste kiss on surprised lips. “Thanks for that.”  
Edd blushed. “You taste like cigarettes,” he remarked petulantly, nose wrinkled in disgust.   
“Conditioned stimulus,” Kevin replied with a smirk. “I’m slowly training you to be aroused by the taste of ash.”  
“Have you been reading my Psychology notes again?”  
Kevin smirked around a plume of smoke. “Guilty.”  
The door opened just then, and an older nurse with salt-and-pepper curls and an air of matronly authority stepped in. “How are we feeling, Mr. Dorn—Are you smoking in here?”  
Kevin shook his head innocently and held up an empty hand, the cigarette having been dropped out of the window the second the door handle moved. “No, ma’am. I just wanted to get some fresh air.”  
She still looked cross. “Well, I told you not to move around, anyway. You’ll pull all your stitches in one go if you aren’t careful.” Her face softened, satisfied that he had learned his lesson. “So, anyway, you hungry? How about you, bean pole?”  
The pair exchanged a glance before answering in unison, “Starving.”  
… … …  
Edd was prepared to leave school the following afternoon, intending to head straight for Lemon Brook, when he was stopped by the others.  
“Wanna go to the arcade, Double D?” Eddy suggested excitedly, shoving him in friendly greeting. “They just got the new Zombie Crush, and it’s killer!”  
“They even have snacks!” added Ed, easily pleased as usual.   
“Thanks,” Edd replied, “but I have… errands to run. And a lot of studying to do.”  
Eddy lowered his voice against potential eavesdroppers. “Going to see your boyfriend in the hospital?” Edd turned red as he denied diligently. He’d never been a good liar. “Aw, c’mon, sock-head,” Eddy said. “Give us some credit; we’ve known you long enough to know when you’re hiding something.” He patted Edd’s shoulder less violently this time. “It’s cool, bud. Your secret’s safe with us. Right, Ed?”  
Ed grinned widely. “I don’t even know who it is.”  
“And well you shouldn’t, my loudmouthed friend,” Eddy replied. “You’re awful at keeping secrets.” There was no insult in the comment. “Another time, then, Double D, and we’ll hold you to it. C’mon, big guy, let’s go hit the comic books.” Then the pair left Eddward in high spirits, discussing swamp monsters.  
… … …  
Kevin was rolling about in a wheelchair when Edd arrived at the hospital. “They finished the last of the surgeries today,” he announced brightly. “It’s all healing and therapy from here.”  
“That is good to hear,” Edd replied. “I took the liberty of speaking to your teachers, and I brought all of your missed classwork.”  
Kevin glared. “I knew it. I could smell the academia from down the hall.”  
“There is no reason to fall behind in your schooling simply because you are bedridden,” Edd chided calmly. “Besides, it will be fun.”  
“You are literally the lamest person I have ever met.”  
…   
“Okay, so wait… Benjamin Franklin was huge in politics, and he invented the lightning rod, and he invented bifocals? This guy sounds like you.”  
“A prolific inventor?”  
“No, a huge dork.”  
Just then, Kevin’s jacket started ringing. He dug it out of his jacket on the side table and answered simply, “Hey, Mom.”  
“No, he hasn’t.”  
“I don’t think so.”  
“No, it’s cool. I get it.”  
“Yeah, bye Mom.” Kevin hung up, drew his arm back as if to throw the phone, then seemed to think better of it and set it on his jacket. “Dad’s gonna kill me…” He turned back to the history textbook on his leg cast. “Anyway, Ben Franklin.”  
… … …   
“And the horse—“  
“The knight, yes.”  
“—can move like an L shape, two squares then one.”  
“That is correct.”  
“But not one, then two?”  
“Very good, Kevin!” Edd said, beaming.   
“So if I do this…” Kevin moved his knight across the chess board Edd had brought in that afternoon. “I can take your pawn.”  
“Excellent move; now you are very close to putting me into check.”  
“That’s when I can kill your king, right?”  
“Essentially.” The pair sat facing in the hospital bed, the chessboard balanced on Kevin’s leg cast. The baseball team had come in earlier that morning and signed every square inch of plaster. Flowers, cards, and balloons from every well-wisher in school littered the room.   
Kevin laughed once. “You probably coulda killed my king like three moves ago, huh?”  
Edd smiled sheepishly. “Eight.”  
The nurse knocked on the open door. “Visiting hours are over, Mr. Eddward.”  
“Aww…” Kevin pouted. “Can’t he stay the night?”  
She frowned. “We usually only let family do that…”  
Kevin’s face fell. Edd knew what he was thinking; it had been a week, but his father hadn’t so much as called. He certainly wouldn’t be visiting. “It’s alright, Kevin,” he said softly. “I’ll be back in the morning.” He gathered his things and left, with the nurse in tow.  
It wasn’t until they were well out of earshot that Edd turned to her. “If I may,” he began cordially. “Kevin doesn’t like to admit it, but the Dorn household is not a happy one. He doesn’t really have anyone else, besides myself, and his fellows on the sports teams.” He chuckled halfheartedly, adding, “and his motorcycle.”  
The nurse looked pensive. “I know,” she said. “Kevin is a regular here. He’s been checked in overnight at least six times this year. His paper work lists his parents as emergency contacts, but I’ve never even seen them visit.” She thought for a moment, arms akimbo. “Alright, but don’t go around advertising that I let you stay!” she added, pointing a finger warningly at Edd. “And no teenage hanky panky, either. I’m only letting you stay ‘cause you seem to be a healthy influence on the kid.” She turned away, muttering loudly, “That boy could use a few good influences.” Edd agreed to the conditions, then walked jovially back to the room.  
Upon arrival, Kevin said nothing, but cocked an eyebrow at him questioningly. Edd winked and put a finger to his lips, whispering, “I doubled back and gave her the slip.”  
Kevin beamed proudly. “You little rebel.”  
… … …  
“The doctor said you have been released. You’ll be returning home this afternoon.”  
“Yeah,” Kevin said gloomily. “I know.”  
“Just think of it, Kevin: your own bed…”   
Kevin grunted.  
“A long hot shower…”   
Kevin grumbled. “Still gotta put bags over my casts.”  
“No more hospital food.”   
At that, Kevin groaned with near-sexual pleasure. “Hurry up and get me out of here, I’m starving.”  
“You will need a parent or guardian to sign the release forms--”  
“No, I don’t. Trust me, just go.” He started rolling the wheelchair clumsily down the hall. “Hot dogs, here I come.”   
The nurses indeed did not ask for any forms, and the boys were soon loaded into a handicap van. Edd rattled off the cul-de-sac address. “But first,” Kevin added, “take us to Scoop Dog. I’ve been bedridden for two weeks, and I need a Chicago dog, stat.”  
… … …  
“Hey, Sockhead!”   
Edd and Kevin sat at the otherwise empty lunch table, eating in amiable silence when Edd was addressed. He turned to find the other Eds jogging over excitedly. Eddy dropped into the seat across from him. “Guess who has two thumbs and just won tickets to the monster truck rally next weekend?”  
Ed stood happily to one side. “He won because I ate all the burritos,” he beamed proudly.  
“Trust me, Lumpy, you’re gonna regret that later. Anyway, you’re totally going with us, right?”  
“It certainly sounds like a fun, albeit deafening, activity. I assume by your asking me that there were three tickets in the prize?”  
“Actually, there were four. I was planning on selling the fourth at the door, but I guess you can bring Shovel Chin along if you want.”  
Kevin smiled. “Sounds kick-ass.”  
“But I definitely don’t want to see you weirdos getting all smoochy. It’s a monster truck rally, not a chick flick. No one wants to see that.”  
“Whatever, dork,” Kevin said with a shrug, turning back to his lunch.   
… … …   
Due to the deafening nature of their current entertainment, Edd had equipped himself with military grade noise reducing ear plugs. When he received a polite tap on the shoulder by the concession stand, he was very surprised to find the face addressing him was not at all polite.   
“Move out of the way, pipsqueak.” The troop of boys were college aged, and the others laughed viciously at the addressee’s derogatory statement.   
“Oh, I do apologize,” Edd replied amiably, removing one ear plug so as to better join the conversation. “I did not realize that I was blocking anyone’s--”  
“I said, MOVE.” The addressee interjected, shoving Edd bodily to one side, which happened to be into a trash barrel. Then the group moved past, sneering at Edd as they went.   
Edd stood, and was brushing himself off disgustedly when someone else yelled. “You wanna try picking on someone your own size?” It was Kevin, and it was directed at the college boys. “Or maybe your own IQ would be better.”  
“You friends with this pipsqueak or something?”  
“Not really,” Kevin said with a shrug. “Babe, you okay?” he added to Edd.   
Kevin had never previously used any term of endearment other than ‘dork’, and it was now done so quite pointedly. Edd simply replied, “Filthy, but unharmed,” and quietly filed Kevin’s actions away for later analysis.   
“Good. Now,” Kevin said, turning back to the offending troop. “you touch him again and I touch your face with my boot. Got it?”  
The boy looked Kevin up and down, eyes lingering pointedly on the arm and leg casts covering his limbs. Kevin noticed, and said quietly, “You should see the other guy.”  
The boy scoffed, but walked away, the rest following suit with similar dismissal. Once they were out of sight, Kevin relaxed visibly, leaning bodily against the wall. “Geez, I’m glad he didn’t wanna fight. He would have painted the wall with me.” He took out a cigarette and lit it. “C’mon, let’s get you cleaned up.”  
“I have disinfectant wipes for just such an occasion,” Edd agreed. “The world is a very filthy place, and one must always be prepared. Did you know that the common cold can pas--”   
His words were cut off by Kevin’s mouth on his. “Shut up.”


End file.
